Just think. This is before we opened the champaign. 

the 84th best prospect in the 1990 nfl draft?!?

I didnt want it to happen this way. i really didnt. strong d, opportunistic special teams, and an offense that makes locke's play calling in last years TECMO tourney look like bill walsh on red bull. so nows its come down to this: my bears have signed jeff george.

dont get me wrong. i dont think this is a terrible signing. i guess im more upset by the circumstances surrounding it. and, no, im not talking about len pasquarelli's constant bird-dogging for this asshole either. what the fuck is happening? how did we get to this point? and why do i think jonathan quinn would struggle in this month's whiffle football game if we dropped a zone blitz on him? i need answers, which usually means pouring bourbon in a 20oz styrofoam cup, putting on my rashaan salaam authentic, and masturbating whilst watching my homemade todd sauerbrun 'greatest punts' highlight tape. but even that road seems a bit too well-traveled. maybe ill just start rooting for the nye jets.

actually, i say lets play this brooding boozer. lets get him out there. after all, now that kelly krenzel is outta the mix, someones got to start pouting on the sidelines.

BOLD PREDICTION: bears will not lose when jeff george starts a game this year.

Poker Tourney

Fellas,
Another BLOG site that I am a member of has set up a REAL MONEY ($$$) private tournament for Wednesday night, at 8pm CST.
This tourney will be held at POKERSTARS. Once you've downloaded the software, you'll find the tournament under the "Tourney" tab and the "Private" subtab. The tournament name is "Baseball Think Factory, Volume I." (or you can use the TournamentID to search, 3648896) When you try to sign up it will prompt for a password; the password is optionj (all lowercase).
I plan on being there in my first-ever real money tournament.
Hope someone else will STONE-UP and hop in.

Happy Thanksgiving, Gents. Pour some High Life, grab a wig, pull on your yellow sweatshirt, and, most importantly, have a safe holiday. 

And now, crappy gambling picks...

Gambler’s Guide to the NFL- Week 12
(Home Team in Caps)

Favorite Spread Underdog
Indianapolis -7.5 DETROIT
The Pick- Colts, 30-17.
The Lions hit the field fired up for their annual Thanksgiving game. 7.5 is a big spread for a home underdog. So I’m going with the Li…wait a minute, what’s that? Joey Harrington is still their starting quarterback? He’d look shitty playing whiffle against Jack Daniels assholes. And who’s starting for the Ponies? Oh yeah. Edward James Manning.

DALLAS -3.5 Chicago
The Pick- Bears, 20-16.
Not sure what to think about this game. Michigan/Ohio State quarterbacks facing off. David Terrell hot-dogging after both of his 4-yard catches. Hmm. C-Train enjoys his breakout game. Somewhere in Philly, a black dude mutters, “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.”

KANSAS CITY -3.5 San Diego
The Pick- Chargers, 37-34.
Please allow me to thank the KC defense in advance for letting Antonio Gates single-handedly give Coach Ford’s fantasy team the pipe this week. Mark him down for 3 scores. And me down for some serious taunting on my way to the fantasy playoffs.

SAN FRANCISCO -1.5 Miami
The Pick- Miami, 3-3.
Dennis Erickson vs. Jim Bates is not exactly Walsh v. Shula. I’m still waiting for the Fish to break out some all-orange unis.

MINNESOTA -6.5 Jacksonville
The Pick- Vikes, 20-13.
I hate the goddamned Vikings. We’re getting succinct now because I’m running on fumes here.

NEW ENGLAND -6.5 Baltimore
The Pick- Ravens, 24-27.
Paul: Look at this here. Now watch this. Just. Watch this. Ray Lewis is..(giggling) I mean. He’s just out there having fun.
Joe: Ray and I had dinner at Cracker Barrel the other night, and he told me that his posse would gut me if I didn’t..
Paul: Look at this. Now. WATCH THIS (giggling)….

More to come on Friday...

So. ive been wondering just exactly what type of BLOG i want this to be. working out the kinks, what have you. and, needless to say, its a work in progress. but dont lose faith. im coming back with a shit-roaring vengence soon. so in the meantime, heres a, um, set to tide everyone over. 

a large, rippled biceps. a greased chicken chest. a massive jagger-bomb hangover. a left hook cold-cock that caught nordic rouse by suprise. not one of those pill punches like locke unleashes at a moments notice.  

Would you trust these two gents? 

So...I'm Back

fellas,

back from the recently tamed west. however, i wont bore you, my loyal readers, with the taudry details of crazy studio city poker parties, monster jaegger bomb-fueled games of putt-putt, or the two terrorists who picked me up at LAX and took me straight to a dinner of CURRY HOUSE. CURRY HOUSE on a stomach of jet-lag and airport coffee? talk about a jap play.

i did take a leisurely drive through topanga canyon, which emptied grandpa kerr into the pacific ocean daily whilst the old man still called WoHi home. tom connors was the wheelman, wade rouse was the token backseat 'white as a ghost' passenger, and i was just happy to be in a car with tom and not have my manhood violated. my boyhood? now thats another matter entirely.

thursday concluded with cards, coke, solid flavor injectors, and a case of PGD. you tell me, who was out of line?

the desert and LA

fellas,

packing for my california adventure. 5 days of grab-ass, blackjack, whiffle football, wade rouse's moustache, tit-dip, and sunshine. now that i think of it, forget the sunshine. and the blackjack. but bring the tit-dip. ALWAYS remember the tit-dip.

i hope my plane doesnt crash on the way there. on the way back, thatd be at least half okay. but i really want to see SMOG one more time before i spin away forever. and tit-dip, too. wade's moustache? uh, that i could do without.

john ashcroft resigned today. arafat is barely holding on in a french hospital. my fantasy football team put up major points last weekend, and should dominate for the rest of the season. wade asked me to buy him a book on al-qaeda and bring it with me to LA. i almost picked up sean hannity's volume of smug instead as a joke. but then i thought better of it. guaranteed rouse is punching me in the face at some point during my vacation. i dont need to provoke the wingman any more than necessary. he has been all tenderfoot and needles since election day. hopefully he'll recover in time for putt-putt in valencia.

i saw mindy on friday night. unfortunately, the hood stayed put in her trousers.

ninja shoes, 2 pair clean undies, retainer, passport, stool softener, box cutter, whiffle football. oh. sorry. just thinking aloud.

more posts next week.

take care down there.

kelly ripa is a whore

(SUNDAY MORNING by the Velvets on the stereo)

Spent some time drinking with Lt. Tim Nash last night. we visited a shithole bar named The Lighthouse. the bartendress was rough looking with jersey shorts, paunch belly, fake tan, and 55-year old woman crazy eyes. paunch bellies remind me of a buddy who used to call his brother's girlfriend "Pouch" and say that she kept a joey in her tummy. Good stuff.

'Bout that time (1 am) TEEN WOLF was placed in the dvd and carlo rossi was poured. i attempted to recall wade rouse's theory that TEEN WOLF was all a metaphor for puberty, and that louis orginally played a larger role in the film, but by this time the rossi had given me the once-over and i was done for. nash was farting like a bastard and i knew my time was up.

man, i gotta start tipping that delivery guy.

DIBS on THIS: ROAST BEEF

Dibs on this, I say
PIZZA ROLLS
TIT-DIP
CHINESE DENTIST
CANADIAN BACON
LOX
TREE BARK

CAN...
SOUL SISTERS

CANADA

My Little Pony

Please enjoy yourself in my new BLOG. All the usual suspects have been invited, plus a few new friends. Please keep all Posts dirty.