Christmas Parties, Santa Hats, Big Wind

Gents,

It has been awhile. And I'm sorry. I sound like a goddamned PHI-PHI saying this. But I'm typing this drunk. Not nash'faced drunk. But good and tasty "Pavano $40 million" drunk. And, yes, I realize what I am saying with that analogy.

As the wind howls; howls, brother, let me tell you; I'm realizing how soon Pompfest 2.5: BRING YOUR OWN FAG is. Dammit, next weekend is the MINDstress' birthday party with Nash and her abortion twin; the week after that is JesusMas. Soon thereafter is my choice betwixt yearly holiday in Des Moines with family or sleeping in King's garage gung-ho style (aka: balls-out no undies) whilst he gives his woman the pounding UNI bitches wish they could've had. (chris martin included)

What a choice I have. I have indeed.

(listening to The Minus Five's "CROSS EVERY LINE" as I type)

Zach Hammer is a true Gent.

After New Years, it's a "straight" line to the Ozarks for the St. Patricks bar-hop with CoachFond and DavidHamz ('sanford and son' theme playing)

Boys, I know you'll enjoy this nugget: I went to my office JesusMas party tonighte; everyone was supposed to bring "something". I brought 2 $5 jugs of Rossi and 1 2Liter of Sunkist. The 19-year old who was my designated driver started yakking on the carpet within 1 hour. Most partygoers were intriuged. Everyone else I told to go straight to hell. I know everyone from Arn to Nashbrowns to Old Man River will give me propers for this. Any one else can go straight to hell.

Koo-koo-ROO...

I suck at Poker

Some serious bullshitting on the other BLOG.
http://pompjuice.blogspot.com/
Definitely worth checking out those last few posts.

Sunday Morning Visions

I woke up at 7am this morning. Sweating like a bastard and feeling like I wanted to vomit/piss all over my bed.

what was the problem? those vodka tonics i took down last night? nope. my palette was clean as a whistle. stress over the now-upon-us holiday season? not at all. i have most of my shopping done already (until i hit SMITTYS in clinton on dec. 23rd). Worried about a big project due in class this week? Class? Anti?

No, friends, i was stressed over my starting fantasy football lineup. my grand plan for 6 quality running backs worked to perfection; as most other shit-hooks in my league fought over the best kickers and wideouts, i stocked up on rbs. edgerrin james, fumblin' ahman green, and domanick davis were 3 of my first 5 picks. i miraculously picked up deuce mccallister and onterrio smith free-of-charge after someone dropped them on the waiver wire. that's right, i picked up 2 starting quality rbs, and i all i had to do was drop TECMO ALL-STARS like ReShard Lee and Moe Williams. about this time, i figured i had the league all but won. i could pick my squad on thursday afternoon, not worry about their stats, and watch my bears take the pipe every sunday.

except this week i'm worried. in the tight playoff race, i'm sitting good in 2nd place with goldi, one game ahead of a wolfpack of douchebags, including steve locke and matt yochum. the ever-so-gentle king sheridan leads the entire league with his "ed wedge water polo" juggernaut. any slip-up, and I'm back to the trash squads from which i've worked so hard to ascend. so here goes nothing.

i've decided to award fumblin' ahman green with a start against the Eagles, even though that packer bastard nearly cost me a "W" last week by sitting out. i really did curse for about 10 straight minutes when al and john showed him chilling on the sidelines in street gear on monday night. "baby raper" and "nash-ass" were some of my favorite king's english that was tossed out. the wallpaper in my living room starting peeling. it was not pretty.

so as you boys are watching sunday nfl games, and dan dierdorf and dan jiggets and kevin harlan are hammering oversized nails into your eardrums, just think about me when they toss it back to jb in la for a gamebreak, and that shitty fox music starts, and those graphics start whirring, and jim haslett decides this is the week to actually use deuce for more than 10 plays, and deuce puts 3 tds on the board, and i start vomiting/pissing all over the throw rug in the living room. rest assured, "baby raper" is where i'll start today. this may not be good.

FANTASY RB starters: FUMBLIN' AHMAN, ONTERRIO SMIFF, EDGERRIN JAMES
FANTASY RB bench: DEUCE, DOMANICK DAVIS, MEWELDE MOORE, JON KITNA

Week 13 Picks

Minnesota -7.5 CHICAGO
The Pick- Bears, 16-20. Sure, I can’t see the Bears putting up anything more than 17 points per game for the rest of the season, at least until that demon Jeff George starts taking snaps. But I can’t go with the Vikes, giving 7.5 on the road. With RW McQuarters lining at FS for my Bears this week, expect 3 picks from Culpepper.

TAMPA BAY -1.5 Atlanta
The Pick- Bucs, 23-20. The Buccaneers are making a serious playoff push with Brian Griese at helm. I'm most confused by this.

INDIANAPOLIS -10.5 Tennessee
The Pick- Titans, 27-35. I can hear the catcalls and hissing already. The Ponies are playing as well as any squad in the league, setting up Steve Locke for his annual January bender when they get bounced from the playoffs. Locke’s lost weekend in 2001 gave new meaning to the term “Snow Bowl”.

SAN DIEGO -2.5 Denver
The Pick- Bolts, 34-31. According to Vega$, The Broncos are the better team in this match-up. Forget it. Since my powder blue uniform prediction, the Chargers have only lost one game, setting me up for a huge playoff gambling payday when they give 8.5 to the Bills.

PHILADELPHIA -6.5 Green Bay
The Pick- Packers, 27-31. Ahman Green carries both my fantasy season and my gambling picks in his right arm. I haven’t thought this much about another man’s ribs since those Marilyn Manson rumors in ’97.

Pittsburgh -3.5 JACKSONVILLE
The Pick- Jags, 17-16. Jacksonville hasn’t delivered for me yet this year, and I nearly abandoned them this week . However, a team with 3 African-American quarterbacks, 4 members of my Adult Film/NFL Player Hall of Fame (Cortez Hankton, Greg Favors, Todd Yoder, Derek Ransom) and a punter with an axe wound on his leg will ALWAYS be held in high regard by yours truly. (Worth noting for future wagering purposes.)

Team Names

so steve, gary, and i have been doing espn.com fantasy games for a few years. randomly other gents will enter a game, notably rouse, ford, and even doc/prof one time. basically, it was a fantastic way to bullshit and an excuse for me to sign up for classes that were held in computer labs. anyways, a great post by locke on the other BLOG...
http://pompjuice.blogspot.com/

so, here are some of gary's finer efforts

Talat Sultan
Phyl Locke's SlideHole
D*ckman N Throbbin
AI the Answr LJ the Qustn
Burnt Rubber N Funerals
Jock Itch an Jett B-Balls
Colonel Angus
Salaam's Pipedream
Jammy Nutsinherass
One Word KIRBY
Guy Rucker
Sweet Black Angel
Clotheshange rs R 4 kids
Calc In the Bushes
Horse C()ck
F Me Goo F Me
Trout Breath
Window Peeker
Chill The F Out J

and a few of sheridan's...

DogSh*t Taco
Homicide Casserole
I Hate Rockwell
JackMe Off
Dunk On Them
Ball Gravy For Ian
Loyd Doppler Effect
Thar She Blows!
Ian No show At DST Show
Cock Blocker

The point of this post? I think we might be gay.