Sunday Morning Visions

I woke up at 7am this morning. Sweating like a bastard and feeling like I wanted to vomit/piss all over my bed.

what was the problem? those vodka tonics i took down last night? nope. my palette was clean as a whistle. stress over the now-upon-us holiday season? not at all. i have most of my shopping done already (until i hit SMITTYS in clinton on dec. 23rd). Worried about a big project due in class this week? Class? Anti?

No, friends, i was stressed over my starting fantasy football lineup. my grand plan for 6 quality running backs worked to perfection; as most other shit-hooks in my league fought over the best kickers and wideouts, i stocked up on rbs. edgerrin james, fumblin' ahman green, and domanick davis were 3 of my first 5 picks. i miraculously picked up deuce mccallister and onterrio smith free-of-charge after someone dropped them on the waiver wire. that's right, i picked up 2 starting quality rbs, and i all i had to do was drop TECMO ALL-STARS like ReShard Lee and Moe Williams. about this time, i figured i had the league all but won. i could pick my squad on thursday afternoon, not worry about their stats, and watch my bears take the pipe every sunday.

except this week i'm worried. in the tight playoff race, i'm sitting good in 2nd place with goldi, one game ahead of a wolfpack of douchebags, including steve locke and matt yochum. the ever-so-gentle king sheridan leads the entire league with his "ed wedge water polo" juggernaut. any slip-up, and I'm back to the trash squads from which i've worked so hard to ascend. so here goes nothing.

i've decided to award fumblin' ahman green with a start against the Eagles, even though that packer bastard nearly cost me a "W" last week by sitting out. i really did curse for about 10 straight minutes when al and john showed him chilling on the sidelines in street gear on monday night. "baby raper" and "nash-ass" were some of my favorite king's english that was tossed out. the wallpaper in my living room starting peeling. it was not pretty.

so as you boys are watching sunday nfl games, and dan dierdorf and dan jiggets and kevin harlan are hammering oversized nails into your eardrums, just think about me when they toss it back to jb in la for a gamebreak, and that shitty fox music starts, and those graphics start whirring, and jim haslett decides this is the week to actually use deuce for more than 10 plays, and deuce puts 3 tds on the board, and i start vomiting/pissing all over the throw rug in the living room. rest assured, "baby raper" is where i'll start today. this may not be good.

FANTASY RB starters: FUMBLIN' AHMAN, ONTERRIO SMIFF, EDGERRIN JAMES
FANTASY RB bench: DEUCE, DOMANICK DAVIS, MEWELDE MOORE, JON KITNA