The Picks

Back from the North. Back from a certain darkening hell (my W'loo lustlife). Yes, yes-- this GENT is back..... with gambling picks. (Home team in caps)

MINNESOTA 3.5 New Orleans
The Pick- Saints, 30-27. Culpepper's rolling fists, Tice's pencil, and my fantasy season all hit the shitter at exactly the same time; men dressed in purple and donning Fag Hats scream and holler and cry on each other's shoulders. In a totally unrelated note, Doc Gladden and I will be watching this game from the safety of the GENT Bunker.

Carolina 3 MIAMI
The Pick- Panthers, 21-16. The Panthers are not going to the Super Bowl, but will still cover against the Fish and my #3 fantasy RB. Plus, I can hardly give away hard-stolen cash by laying it on Gus Frerotte and Gramps' favorite team. I'd rather be ditched by a woman in favor of a bus driver..... um, not that I'd know anything about that (throws up all over GENT Suit).

Cinncinatti 3 CHICAGO
The Pick- Bears, 24-23. Chad Johnson might be the coolest guy in braces since Locke strapped on the leg irons so he could win that Special Olympics 1-on-1 basketball bracket back in '99, but I'm still going with the Bears in this one. Between that cracker QB, a stellar D-line, and Mister Benson, I can't wait to spend January in Detroit for a special Super Bowl Pompfest, if only to rig the whiffle draft and give Rouse's squad Joey Harrington.

Tampa Bay 3.5 GREEN BAY
The Pick- Bucs, 30-23. The season I've been waiting for since I was 13 finally happens: the Packers go 4-12, Brett Favre decides to retire to the Mississippi pine scrub, and Mike Sherman puts the franchise on the Shittrain. Plus, the Bucs have 4 members of my Adult Film/NFL Players club, including the 2 female stars (Paris Warren and Torrie Cox-- with Jeff Gooch and Brian Greise representing the men), my only fantasy star (Cadillac), and a tailback bringing the "Earnest" with an "a" back into the League (Earnest Graham). Very excited about this squad.

PITTSBURGH 3 New England
The Pick- Steelers, 27-20. Truly a golden fall for yours, um, truly. The Pats look shaky to me-- that defense and those asshole fans will surely catch up with them over the balance of the season. Of course, they'll still end up with 9 or 10 wins, which would be enough to send half the city of Chicago drinking out into Lake Michigan while zHammer and I play naked "Ctrain" on his leather couch. By the way, have you ever seen more 3-point spreads? I'm getting David Hammer on the phone this afternoon to see what sorry excuse he has for all this dogshit. Welp, at least about the spreads, I'll see. The other dogshit here? We're pretty sure who we can chalk that stuff up to.

DENVER 3 Kansas City
The Pick- Chiefs, 37-31. I know it's a rivalry game and Denver is a tough place to play. But giving Shanahan -3 against a good Chiefs squad is kinda like giving yourself a box full of rubbers the night you have to hang out with the woman you like and her bus-driver boyfriend...... um, not that I'd know anything about that (throws up all over GENT Suit).